as someone who has been blogging for about 8 collective days now, i consider myself a blogger. i truly do feel like one in my heart.
in every bloggers life, there comes a time to write the iconic "i got laid off" heartwarming life-changing pivot post. didn't think it would be so soon into this endeavor, but hey.
about 3 hours ago, i was handed a big yellow envelope and told by a very well-manicured young woman that "the company is restructuring" and my "position has been terminated". yippee!! i got laid off. awesome.
i returned to my desk to find my team in tears - the whole team, wiped. cleaned house. not sure if i'm allowed to be saying this stuff on the internet? hm. anyways.
i began my rounds, my thank you's, my goodbyes. as i watched myself react, and how i conducted myself around a few peers and mostly people far senior to me –– i was the youngest in the office –– i realized i am actually very level-headed and a little excited (at the time perhaps too excited?) and this is just a kick in the ass. (of course, i am completely financially independent and have no savings and my parents are in debt so i am peeing my pants a little bit – but we'll get there when we get there).
the pivot? it's time to move to new york.
i've been plotting and talking to my friends who live there, and soft toying with the idea, looking at jobs, etc. "in april, when i hit my next year marker, i'll go." "in may, when my lease is up, i'll go." "when leah's sublet is up and we can move in together, i'll go."
well, fuck it all, i'm going now.
16 mins later ––
i just got off the phone with subin (above) to break the news. by the end of the call we are screaming and laughing because i get everything that i ask for. i've been slo-mo realizing that i hate living alone (hence my previous blog post) and this place is just way too expensive. i've been asking: how do i get back to my community and get out of this lease? how do i go live with angie and adrian on the east coast? i've been asking –– i don't know who exactly –– where the hell am i gonna come up with the money to move?? i've been asking what my next step is, amid changes at my job that resulted in a whole lot of responsibility increase with no pay increase. i've been feeling squashed and needing to break out.
okay ––
maybe i use my associate-sized severance to break my lease and pack it all up.
nothing happens if nothing happens.
below: my sister, who moves to europe for college tomorrow.
my parents are going to see her off, then go to amsterdam afterwards. i was not going to be able to join them because of demands at work, tech pack week, saving my time off for the holidays, blah blah blah.
well fuck. it. all. i'm going now.
2 hrs later ––
i just got off the phone with my dad, talking and walking around dtla with a zeal that i have not felt since holiday22. we talked about my layoff, my spur-of-the-moment solidification of my long-brewing decision to move to ny asap, and what i'm gonna do in between.
"in the meantime," he said, "your mom and i leave for europe tomorrow. come with now that there is no tech pack week."
...
i arrived at target, said goodbye to my dad and we hung up excitedly. i purchased a pair of wire headphones (my masking-tape repaired lifer ones finally busted yesterday) and a cheap off-brand disposable film camera with flowers all over it. put that shit on my credit card. i smoked a cigarette on the way home (soft quit). after i hard post this i am going to pack a carry-on suitcase; the only one i have is turquoise and has a front wheel broken. textbook stuff for your early 20s and i am leaning in heavy.
the truth of me is the thing that happens when i simply have to rise to. i was leaving the office, feeling a weight lifting, and then talking on the phone with an old fellow denimhead coworker about the shift, and then subin about the chaos portal and divine timing and subleases, and then my dad about europe, and then walking around in the city, watching the pieces all fall into place. the pieces i had turned over and over and over with furrowed brow for how many months now.
i have some ends to tie up here, and some furniture to sell (if anyone in la needs a 6ft drafting table that weighs about 17million pounds hmu) and one more freelance sewing order that might get me an airport sandwich once the invoice is paid.
but then? the grandest move i have been a part of to date. this is the heartwarm pivot. this is the blog post i will read back and laugh at because it all worked out and then all changed again.
i am giddy like a kid on the last day of school because once again, life has tapped me on the shoulder and she has said "hey kid! here's something for ya. welcome back."
this is exactly what was supposed to happen and this is exactly why i trust and why we rock and roll.
amsterdam. italy. spain.
new york.
lifestar.