Have you ever posted something, only to delete it immediately after? Either from regret or sheer embarrassment? And if not, had the urge?

Since my last post, my first impulse was to delete it, not just from this platform, but from memory. I felt a mix of embarrassment, uncertainty, and fear of being misunderstood, which is weird, considering how well it read throughout the writing process. I reread my draft multiple times, carefully reviewing each paragraph. I went so far as reading it aloud for extra measure, but nothing seemed off. Yet, the moment I clicked "Post," --instant regret.

Suddenly, what had seemed sensible at the time didn't. Instead of being introspective and insightful, it read as pretentious and hollow.

Acting aloof—I skirted around the topic using vague language. I was refusing to be direct with my thoughts. I think that's what made it so embarrassing. I was using fancy words to distract from how I really felt:

Fear

I am so afraid. I don't know what's in store for the future-- if there's a future to look forward to. It feels like the worst is yet to come, and there's nothing anyone could do to stop it-- as if set in stone. The hope in me is dying. I want to believe that things will get better, but who knows?