I lost something a long time ago and have not been able to get it back. Remedies of it linger within me but I just cannot get back to it. For the longest time I struggled with being a artist, with creating art.

What happened to me why did I lose that creative spark it’s in there I know but why is it so hard to light again. I have been in a creative slump/block since I can remember, I can’t pick up a pencil and draw anymore, my paint has been drying and needing to be used, my writing has stopped why idk all of the things that brought me joy are disappearing I can’t do anything anymore. Why idk is it my phone? is it something holding me back. Why did I lose that obsessiveness with art, why did I lose that one little spark that made me me, without art who am I? What happened I kept and kept losing my urge to create I fell numb when I was making something It never felt right. I kept on trying and trying but it never felt like it was me, why did it stop why did my spark fade.

I can’t create anymore I want to create but when I get to create I stop and become numb to the idea of making something new why is that, I constantly ask myself that question. All these obsessions these passions of mine but art always come back in those obsessions but what made me stop creating. 

In a time where creating art is needed I stopped, I still adore the art I have made. Just recently I was able to create two paintings did I like them yes did they feel like me yes and no it felt like a part of me. I am supposed to create my portfolio for art academies but I just do not know if it’s meant for me.

I feel lost without art.