i am on the bus
this is maybe my second blog from iphone.
here are some off-the-cuff thoughts about the new year.

first of all, i’m glad we are all on the same page. of all the story posts, river blurbs, ins-outs lists and texts amongst my friends that i’ve seen, we are all aligned. physical media reigns supreme, goodbye spotify, welcome slow warmth and no subscriptions. personally, i don’t need all that stuff. so much stuff.

this year my closet is a big project. after spending last night watching the ss/pf26 shows with @poesy and crashing out a bit about working for a big corporation (out out out), my love for fashion is reignited. i had gotten a bit gloomy about the industry as a whole, because i’m not happy with the side of it that i am participating in. i’m not a designer, i’m an employee. despite my title, my soul is lacking that design thing, the itch i need to scratch, the feeling of creation that i so rely on for peace of mind, the ability to sleep at night.

“i could be making toothbrushes,” i told subin.
they replied, “oh wow, i didn’t realize it was that bad…”

they shared some hopeful (+encouraging, logical) words with me, but truly the thing that did it, woke me up, was seeing their reactions to the shows. seeing the looks through their eyes and hearing their commentary, everything made sense. i’m back in it.

chanel chanel chanelllll ^^ pf26

we discussed how i am meant to learn the business here in my corp job, learn what not to do and how the big fish are fried. where the quality gets lost so i can hone in when i decide to step out.

i was talking fervently, thinking how to get myself back into “cool world” — the most fun job i ever had and the coolest i ever felt was when i worked for a business so small i was her only employee and we made everything by hand and the bathroom was piled with inventory.

me on the far left, when i was working pop-ups for sickokittens. granted i could hardly afford to eat but i was so happy. now just to figure out how to do both.

what this conversation brought about for me was a feeling that has been long brewing and i did not have the words or organization for — fuck the big industry and glean every last bit of knowledge out of it as possible. then when the time is right, step out and i’ll have a foundation of knowledge, mentors, resources and (if i pull it together) money.

what this means for right now is to clear the clutter, study the pieces i keep and like, and fill the gaps with bespoke pieces. i’m currently wearing a pair of black culottes i made myself about a year ago that are wearing in nicely. they’ll last me years. my hope is to just keep filling my wardrobe like that. in 2026 i want to move out more than i bring in.

next is media. @fortuneobject (zine featured above on the left on top of the prada book) is super good about keeping records and keeping physical copies of all their videos and photos. read about it here. also super inspired by @missmayhem and @networkp’s archival heart project. i am patiently awaiting a walkman in the mail to listen to their playlist.

i already have plans to burn cd’s for my friends, gift more music in physical form and put my sister on to some tracks. i will save my phone battery and screen time like crazy (there have been days, playlist building days, where my highest screen time would go to the spotify app). i’m excited to experience discovery in this way, because i already know numerous people who will jump on board and return the recs. i genuinely cannot wait. i know exactly what it’s going to feel like and how my brain will benefit.

my archival <3 cd in the mail. opened it before i even got in the door.

the last theme/thought for this blog post, that i must wrap up bc im meeting a friend soon (i am no longer on the bus, i have arrived at my destination) is this — simply be gentle. i’ve brought this idea up in another blogpost, but to expand a bit:

this past year was harsh. partially due to circumstances, but i met those circumstances harshly. i stayed up late, ground gears through problems, manual override way too much and accomplished through sheer will, even if it didn’t fit. my body hurts. i cannot do it like that anymore. i have to double my travel time, account for space, leave room to breathe. put my phone away when i’m eating — nothing is that important. more silence. more in-between time. my nature is gentle and patient, and if i get back to her i will feel whole again. then i know everything will open up.

i am on the bus
this is maybe my second blog from iphone.
here are some off-the-cuff thoughts about the new year.

first of all, i’m glad we are all on the same page. of all the story posts, river blurbs, ins-outs lists and texts amongst my friends that i’ve seen, we are all aligned. physical media reigns supreme, goodbye spotify, welcome slow warmth and no subscriptions. personally, i don’t need all that stuff. so much stuff.

this year my closet is a big project. after spending last night watching the ss/pf26 shows with @poesy and crashing out a bit about working for a big corporation (out out out), my love for fashion is reignited. i had gotten a bit gloomy about the industry as a whole, because i’m not happy with the side of it that i am participating in. i’m not a designer, i’m an employee. despite my title, my soul is lacking that design thing, the itch i need to scratch, the feeling of creation that i so rely on for peace of mind, the ability to sleep at night.

“i could be making toothbrushes,” i told subin.
they replied, “oh wow, i didn’t realize it was that bad…”

they shared some hopeful (+encouraging, logical) words with me, but truly the thing that did it, woke me up, was seeing their reactions to the shows. seeing the looks through their eyes and hearing their commentary, everything made sense. i’m back in it.

chanel chanel chanelllll ^^ pf26

we discussed how i am meant to learn the business here in my corp job, learn what not to do and how the big fish are fried. where the quality gets lost so i can hone in when i decide to step out.

i was talking fervently, thinking how to get myself back into “cool world” — the most fun job i ever had and the coolest i ever felt was when i worked for a business so small i was her only employee and we made everything by hand and the bathroom was piled with inventory.

me on the far left, when i was working pop-ups for sickokittens. granted i could hardly afford to eat but i was so happy. now just to figure out how to do both.

what this conversation brought about for me was a feeling that has been long brewing and i did not have the words or organization for — fuck the big industry and glean every last bit of knowledge out of it as possible. then when the time is right, step out and i’ll have a foundation of knowledge, mentors, resources and (if i pull it together) money.

what this means for right now is to clear the clutter, study the pieces i keep and like, and fill the gaps with bespoke pieces. i’m currently wearing a pair of black culottes i made myself about a year ago that are wearing in nicely. they’ll last me years. my hope is to just keep filling my wardrobe like that. in 2026 i want to move out more than i bring in.

next is media. @fortuneobject (zine featured above on the left on top of the prada book) is super good about keeping records and keeping physical copies of all their videos and photos. read about it here. also super inspired by @missmayhem and @networkp’s archival heart project. i am patiently awaiting a walkman in the mail to listen to their playlist.

i already have plans to burn cd’s for my friends, gift more music in physical form and put my sister on to some tracks. i will save my phone battery and screen time like crazy (there have been days, playlist building days, where my highest screen time would go to the spotify app). i’m excited to experience discovery in this way, because i already know numerous people who will jump on board and return the recs. i genuinely cannot wait. i know exactly what it’s going to feel like and how my brain will benefit.

my archival <3 cd in the mail. opened it before i even got in the door.

the last theme/thought for this blog post, that i must wrap up bc im meeting a friend soon (i am no longer on the bus, i have arrived at my destination) is this — simply be gentle. i’ve brought this idea up in another blogpost, but to expand a bit:

this past year was harsh. partially due to circumstances, but i met those circumstances harshly. i stayed up late, ground gears through problems, manual override way too much and accomplished through sheer will, even if it didn’t fit. my body hurts. i cannot do it like that anymore. i have to double my travel time, account for space, leave room to breathe. put my phone away when i’m eating — nothing is that important. more silence. more in-between time. my nature is gentle and patient, and if i get back to her i will feel whole again. then i know everything will open up.