Friday Night, I attended my best friends housewarming party. This is the second housewarming i've been to and I guess house warmings are just about enjoying a new space with people you love. i think thats so pure and as humans we are meant to be in communities. They say "it takes a village" at first it wasn’t something i understood but now I’m realizing surrounding yourself with people who love you and care for you with no ulterior motive is important. 

Anyways my friend naturally invited the people in her life she wanted to see. Among them is someone i was best friends with and I cut him off. 
In the spirit of being honest, I regretted that decision for a long time. That regret then lead me to reaching out and just trying to mend something.That message I ended up sending was probably the longest paragraph I ever sent but I think it helped me process a lot of residual feelings I had since making that decision of cutting him off.  

In hindsight i did not talk to him which i know at the time it was something I could do and that was not cool of me.

in the past i let people kinda bullying me into thinking that i don't make the right decisions. I didn't trust my gut and I would just let other people influence my thinking. Thats something i have learned from and we’re definitely better at just trusting the decisions I make for myself. 

He’s someone that is a part of my social circle and i say this because he’s friends with my friends and he invites them out and by extension i get those invites. At first it was something I was really anxious about because i had not spoken to him in person ever since i sent that text so I’ve had short and civil interactions with him since then. 

At this housewarming though its different more close knit.

I go out for a smoke on my friends balcony (stunning views) and he comes out on the phone with someone finishing a quick conversation. I offer him my joint because bc duh. We get to talking and I basically apologize to him in person because I didn't have that opportunity and I just took it. I was definitely shaking in my boots heart pounding but the conversation went so good that he invited me to his dj set the next day. 

If you would have told me 2 weeks ago i would be talking to my childhood best friend and apologizing for being a dick. I def would've looked at you crazy. Maybe not that crazy but I would've thought you were lying. Again, in the spirit of being honest, over the past few weeks I feel like i've been seeing signs that would make me think of him. One of them being a channel called "komorebi". It's such a small thing but It just meant a whole lot. Seeing those signs just made me wonder that even if i did mend what was broken could we actually go back to having that impactful relationship ? or even just an relationship in general. 

I’m not expecting it, but idk my gut tells me I’m exactly where I should be right now. 

Life truly is crazy and changes so fast.